


Toxic Wings

by AshynnaStarlight



Category: Guild Hunter - Nalini Singh
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Hope, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Murder, Toxic Relationship, breaking up, self-care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshynnaStarlight/pseuds/AshynnaStarlight
Summary: Sariel and Dahariel have been together on and off for four decades, but as time passes, Dahariel’s actions make it clear that the relationship is unequal and toxic. So Sariel makes the hard choice of breaking things off forever with him. He may not have ever hurt her, but he was still toxic to her. She deserved better.





	Toxic Wings

**Author's Note:**

> A piece based on the Guild Hunter Series by Nalini Singh. The themes are heavy even though they are only references. I wrote this piece to deal with some of the negative emotions inside of me and writing has always been my outlet.

Laughter filled the courtyard, the sun made the colourful wings shine like gems. The joy and merriment coming from the little bodies almost tangible as some fluttered around, others wobbled around on their short legs and almost tipping over because of their oversized wings. Trying to get away from the one adult angel chasing after them with a wide smile gracing her face. She ran slowly, to give the little ones a chance to escape and to feel like they could outrun anyone.

“I’m going to catch you! I’m going to catch you!” Sariel laughed hearty as she rushed after little Mikhail, his green wings splashed with amber and blue. Reminding her of a paradise bird. His curls wild, his smile even wilder. “Gotcha!” She tossed the little boy up in the air before catching him with ease in her arms. Smothering kisses on his golden chubby cheeks.

“Ah! Sa-Sa! Help! Sa-Sa!” He giggled happily, despise his protests he wrapped his little arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. Sariel’s body sighed with joy as she hugged the little oh so fragile body against her chest. The other little bumblebees, as she called them, wobbling back towards her. Little hands patting and touching her legs and wings as they all beamed with joy and innocence.

Seeing them like this, broke and healed her heart in countless of ways. Angelic children were precious beyond measure amongst her kind. So few of them were ever blessed of having one of them. “ _It is logical why there are so relatively few children born at any given time_.” Keir, the head healer once told her as he busied himself braiding her hair. “ _We are an Immortal race and hard to kill. Quick replacement is generally not needed_.” But that did not take away the ache of wishing to have a child.

No matter how depraved or cruel some had become with age and power, all had agreed upon that angelic children would never be harmed. Breaking this more than Ancient rule would result into a horrible punishment that would make death seem like a mercy.

“Sa-Sa! Sing sing!” A little wide-blue eyed and silver-grey spotted winged bumblebee asked her with glee, erasing any thoughts of darkness and sorrow from her. Sariel smiled indulgently as she carried her little charge, and guiding the others to her bench in the courtyard.

With fondness, she watched the little ones all settle down as Mikhael rested his head against her chest. Her slender fingers playing with his dark curls. Unconsciously, her eyes scanned the courtyard. Always watching for danger, just in case, even though no one would dare to harm the children. This was the neutral zone, under the protection of all Archangels and free from politics and what not.

Eyes locked with the power yellow irises of an angel that made her stomach knot for many reasons. Those eagle eyes were set in the sharp hawk-features face of an angel who wore his power as a cloak to keep others at bay. His wings always reminded her of one of the most majestic birds. Having seen them spread in flight…and other situations.

Dahariel stood in the shadows, watching her with a stoic look on his face. He always looked like that, emotionless, distant….colder than ice and marble. The tightness in her chest made it almost impossible hard to breathe. She had not seen him since….half a year? Almost a year? It had been a while….he hadn’t even written her. Her lips started to feel numb. Why was he here? Shouldn’t he be with…

“Sa-Sa?” Mikhail asked worried as the little boy pressed his fingers against her lips. Looking up at her with such a concerned look. Giving herself a mental shake, she turned back to the little charge on her lap.

“You wish me to sing? I shall sing for you,” she whispered so warmly, making the little ones cry out in joy again, and Mikhail beam. She ignored her pain, her sorrow, her confusion as she closed her eyes and started to sing. Rocking the child in her arms as her voice filled the courtyard.

Some say, she had inherited a bit of her grandmother’s singing talent. And now she used that talent to bring joy to the heart of all those around her, to forget any sorrow or worries in her own heart as well. When she sang, she forgot all - a pure moment of true peace.

After a while, time always became a blur when she sang, she opened her eyes and felt her heart squeeze with joy this time as the little ones had cuddled together. Little bodies resting against each other. Eyelids closed and wings in resting position. They had all fallen asleep with little smiles on their faces. Mikhael sucked on his thumb as he slept peacefully against her chest.

The children’s parents and guardians had arrived, everyone looking relaxed and joyful. It made her glad that her song had given them peace and rest in the trying times. With soft whispers and thanks, they took their children back. Sariel handed over the sleeping Mikhail to his mountain of a father who chuckled amused. Handling his son with such care and adoration that one rarely would expect from a man like Ivan. It showed that even some of their roughest, and most wildest could have a softer side.

But the whole time, she noticed the pair of eagle eyes not leaving her. Watching like a predator watching its prey. Part of her felt annoyed. He had no right to be here. Well…she couldn’t deny him to come here. She just did not understood why he suddenly had decided to come here. Children weren’t his thing, even though the little ones were in awe of him when he did came by.

After picking up her bag, she made her way back to her quarter’s in her father - the Archangel Raphael’s territory. Her pulse skittered as she felt she was being followed, still in the neutral zone. She could reach out with her mind to her father, who would be with her - or one of his men - in just a few seconds. But she didn’t want him to know. Didn’t want him to know her shame. Her sorrow. Her pain. He would start a war for her, and she did not wish blood on her hands. She had made her bed, and she would lie in it.

Making a turn into a dark corridor, she felt more than heard the rustle of wings. Then strong finger wrapping themselves around her wrist. Shock went through her system when she was pulled back against a hard - almost like marble - chest, wings crushing against bare skin. The breathing of the one who held her brushed against her temple, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to ignore her body’s reaction to him. Not the one of fighting, but one that made her want to melt against him. Forget everything.

But she could not. She could not forgive his latest transgression. He had cut her too deep, too brutally. His hand let go of her wrist to wrap itself around her waist. His other hand resting on her cheek and turning her face towards him as his wings arched in a way as if to shelter her from the outside world

“Don’t do this,” she whispered breathlessly as she fought to keep her walls up. Her wings aching as they were trapped, touched in a painfully intimate way that should be reserved for lovers. His nose brushed against her cheekbone, the tension growing between them. The air becoming heavy with sexual tension.

“Sariel,” he breathed husky in her ear as she was trapped between the wall and his hard body. His hand caressing her hip as his fingers brushed over her full lips. He pressed his hips against her shapely behind, able to feel his arousal. Memories of him taking her from behind while her hands pressed against the wall assaulted her mind. An involuntary moan slipped past her lips as she could feel his power and hunger brewing underneath his skin. The sensual way he trapped her spoke of his dominance, but also her own power. With no one else….no…that was a lie.

In a rapid move, that he had taught her, she broke his hold - slammed him against the wall - and pressed a knife against his throat as her eyes burned with betrayal. Her wings spread wide as she thanked whoever was out there that practically no one took this path. Last thing she needed was an angel or vampire seeing them like this and either warn her Father or Astaad.

For a moment his eyes flickered with surprise before he adopted that aloof stoic look on his face. Not moving aside from resting his hands on her lips. She knew he wasn’t afraid. A cut on his throat wouldn’t slow him down much. Hell, it would probably turn him on. “I said no,” she snapped harshly at him, her throat tightening with emotions. “Leave me alone.” Pulling away, she put away her knife and made a move to leave again.

Dahariel grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall again, his hand firmly but also tenderly cupping her face as he trapped her with his much larger and stronger body. His eyes searching her face for answers as she barred her teeth in pain and fury.

But still, arousal curled inside her belly. Making her angrier with herself and disgusted. “Go back to her,” she snapped and something flickered in his eyes.

“Who?”

“You know who, Dahariel.”

“Say her name.”

“No.”

“Say her name.”

“Michaela,” the word ripped out of her, unable to hide her pain and disgust at what he had done. Who he had chosen to be his lover, who he had taken to his bed.

“Sariel, my love, you don’t…”

“Don’t you fucking dare to insult me even more than you already have, Dahariel.” If he hadn’t trapped her the way he had, his muscular thigh pushed between her own so she couldn’t kick him in the balls - she would have. Hard. And felt pleased with herself while doing it.

“Do you think I’m a fool?” She let out a bitter laugh as she looked away, unable to look into his eyes. Didn’t wish to remember the man he once used to be. Yes, he has always been deadly, dangerous, working on a moral code that humans would find horrendous but became all too common amongst angel kind as they aged and became more powerful.

But she could still remember the way he laughed as she splashed him with water. The tender way he brushed her hair out of her face as he laid beside her in bed. The way he whispered adoring words against her lips while they hid in the dark corners of the Refuge. Stolen moments in time that they could be together.

If she had been anyone else, maybe she could have lived in ignorant bliss. Maybe she could have turned a blind eye to the indiscretions he had committed. But she was no ordinary angel, she was an Archangel’s daughter whose father had the best Spymaster in his service. She was bound to find out the things he did behind her back.

And the love struck fool she was, she had accepted it. Their relationship had always been chaotic, him leaving her several times and breaking her heart, but she accepted him back with open arms every time he came back to her. But even she noticed that each time he came back, he was a little bit more distant. A little bit more cold. A little bit more cruel.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fully ignore knowing there were others. That people in his court trembled by the merest hint of wings. The almost-Immortal didn’t react like that without good reason. Then there were the whispers that Jason had told her father, of Dahariel’s….dark appetites.

Her heart was soft still, her soul not jaded with time and immortality. She could still be disgusted. Didn’t wish to somehow look logical at the things she did. She felt. She still hurt for others and felt empathy.

“Don’t you think I would never find out what you did behind my back? The people you hurt. The people you slept with. It’s a good thing that angels can’t catch disease…”

“Sariel,” he warned her threatening, and she hissed in return. Her wings flaring as much as they could while crushed against the wall.

“Don’t you Sariel me. You’ve no right to utter my name,” she snarled as she finally met his eyes. Saw the coldness in them, the cruelty in the lines of his dangerously handsome face.

Her heart broke as her eyes burned, but she refused to let her tears roll. Didn’t wish to give him that power. That satisfaction. “And all these years, I turned a blind eye. But no more.  _No more_. Of all the women you could take to your bed, you took that demon spawn. You know what she did to my family. You know but not for a second did you care what it did to me. You weren’t even separated from me!”

“You don’t understand.” She slammed her hands so hard against his chest that somehow she made him stagger back. His eyes flickering to her veins as they glowed faintly but she ignored it, her rage barely being kept back.

“THERE IS NO EXPLANATION THAT WILL MAKE IT RIGHT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!” she roared in righteous fury, her rage made her think clearer than she had in a while. “You’re toxic to me. Being with you is killing me. Destroying me by bit and by the Cadre, I deserve better. I’m done, Dahariel. We are over.”

That took him by utter surprise. It had always been him who left her, and her begging him to stay. Professing her love for him. This was the first time in four decades that she rejected him. And he knew she meant it. The intent and seriousness clear in her eyes and voice. This relationship was a pure poisonous one. It didn’t matter that she loved him. Didn’t mean he meant the world to her. He had gone too far. Taken the archangel who wished her stepmum dead and wanted to fuck her father. She had some dignity left. Some  _pride_.

She let out a little squeak as he grabbed her again, smashing his lips against hers. Their connection had always been explosive, powerful, mind numbing. He forced his tongue into her mouth, his hands moving hotly over her body. She kissed him back, her fingers grabbing his hair firmly, her senses overloaded for a moment that she became a being of feeling. All rational and coherent thought slammed out of her.

Just for a moment though. With snarl, she torn herself away from him and lashed out. Gouges appearing on his cheek and blood flowing down his face. His blood coating her nails. “ _Fuck you_.” She spat on the ground before him while cursing in the old angelic tongue. Her lips swollen by his kiss, her curls tousled wildly.

His flesh knitted back together as his eyes became luminous, but she had already started to walk away. Her breathing rough as she fought her tears. “You always knew who I was! Do you think your precious Illium has clean hands?!”  _Don’t look back. Don’t. Keep walking_. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, and that precious Bluebell has skeletons of his own in the closet!”  _You can do this, Sariel. Keep walking. It’s over. You’re free._ “SARIEL!”

It hurt. Her chest crushing. Ice in her veins as each step was a struggle. But she had to keep moving forward. She was Sariel. Daughter of Raphael. And she was not going to be used any longer.

By pure force of will, she made her way to her father’s territory. The sight of stunning blue wings with silver came into her view. The dam inside of her crumbling to dust. Golden eyes widened as Illium took in her state. Hair wild, lips swollen, and looking on the verge of tears. Pathetic. That’s how she looked. Absolutely pathetic.

“Sariel!” he cried out worried and rushed towards her, his arms coming around her and crushing her cold body against his burning hot one. Precious Bluebell has skeletons of his own in the closet. Her arms came around Illium’s torso - one of her father’s most trusted warriors. He may have blood on his hands. May have skeletons in his closet, but Illium had never hurt her. Her body becoming weak in his arms as she started to sob, trusting him to hold her up.

“I got you, Stardust. Whatever happened, I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it.” How could one heal a destroyed hart? How could one heal the wounds on the soul. Closing her eyes, she decided to worry about that another day. Now, she just needed to be held.


End file.
